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More Than “Show Me” How Children Share Matters
- Dr. Jamie
- Jan 27
- 4 min read
As a parent to a neurodivergent child, I’ve come to deeply appreciate the authentic, everyday moments when my son shows me something—not because I prompted him to, but because he genuinely wants to share his experience with me. He'll race into the room holding a bug he found outside, or drag me over to see an animal he caught in his net. He’s brought me poop in his underwear (yep, that happened), shown me his couch-jumping tricks with pure joy, and proudly pulled artwork from his backpack after daycare to say, “Mommy, look!” These moments are spontaneous, unscripted, and entirely driven by his own motivation to include me in something that matters to him. And that’s what real “showing” looks like.
In contrast, I often see clinical programs teaching children to “show” by handing them an object and prompting them to bring it to an adult: “Go show mommy.” But the item isn’t exciting, new, or meaningful—it’s just part of a routine, with no emotional connection behind it. When showing is taught this way, it might check a box on a checklist, but it misses the deeper point: social sharing doesn’t emerge from prompts—it emerges from interest.
Real showing is about emotion. Surprise. Pride. Disgust. Curiosity. It’s about a child wanting you to see what they see or feel what they feel. And when that motivation is honored and nurtured, showing becomes more than a task—it becomes a connection. If we want to support this skill in a meaningful way, we have to start by noticing what lights a child up. What makes them pause, react, and seek us out? And then we meet them there—not with a demand, but with shared joy and presence. That’s how we build social engagement that lasts.
As NDBI practitioners, we know that one of the hallmarks of social development is when a child begins to spontaneously show an object or activity to another person—not to get help or request something, but to simply share attention or emotional reactions. This milestone reflects the emergence of a deeply important skill: declarative joint attention. We aim to nurture this in natural, motivating ways—not through repetition of rote behaviors, but by building on the child’s authentic desire to connect.
Why “Show Me” Prompts Often Miss the Mark
A common practice in intervention is to prompt the child with phrases like “Show me!” But here’s the issue: when the object isn’t exciting, unusual, or meaningful to the child, prompting them to “show” it doesn’t build the true foundation of sharing behavior. It teaches a response, not the underlying motivation.
Children don’t show just because we ask—they show when they feel something is:
Surprising
Funny or silly
Gross or weird
Exciting or delightful
Scary or concerning
Hurtful or emotionally intense
These moments are affectively rich and naturally drive the child to seek a social partner to share the experience. When we over-prompt or script the act of showing, we disconnect the action from its purpose. The behavior may occur in the moment, but it won’t be maintained or generalized—because it wasn’t anchored in social motivation.
Examples of Authentic “Showing” Moments
Here are common examples of when a child might spontaneously show something to an adult:
They found something strange: A bug crawling on the floor, a toy that’s broken, or a sticky substance on their hands.
They are hurt: A bumped knee, a scraped finger—bringing it to the adult to share that emotional experience.
They are proud or excited: A drawing they just made, a block tower they built, a costume they put on.
They are surprised: A pop-up toy that startled them, a loud noise from the other room.
They are amused or confused: A toy doing something unexpected, an adult making a silly face.
How NDBI Builds This Skill
In NDBI, we foster this natural behavior by:
Creating environments with novelty and emotional engagement.
Following the child’s lead and responding to their affect.
Using shared activities with emotional highs and surprises.
Modeling excitement and interest in what the child finds interesting.
Avoiding prompts that replace internal motivation with compliance.
Bottom line: True “showing” reflects a desire to share experience, not to follow a command. If we want to build this foundational skill, we must stop teaching it like a trick—and start supporting it like a connection.
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